The Vision Is the Between

On how what I truly wanted had a way of finding me anyway

The Vision is The Between - collage by me

Last week I was sharing about clarity, the importance of it and my experience around it. How choosing not to really face things, or not taking the time to get clearer, cost me years of my life.

Not everything was lost at all, but the inner joy and feel of safety wasn't there. I was waiting, somehow hoping that life would take me where I need to be.

The thing is that we have so many different lives, we have so many options. If you choose then you can make it happen, if you don't you get a taste of everything, good or bad.

If you want to read it: What Comes before The Dream

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When Dreams Feel So Possible

The vision started with a crazy dream. At that time, I was maybe 18 and I wanted to move to NYC to study at the Actor’s Studio.

There were notions of the cost of life, of people getting jobs to buy some type of life. I was still living outside the serious world of adulthood.

When dreams feel so possible and almost real.

But that was not my only dream. I remember loving being on islands, being in the middle of the sea. There is something empowering when you are in the middle of the sea, it’s just you and the whole boat alone in the middle of a beautiful blue, glowing from the reflection of the sun.

I was always attracted by the green emerald of tropical jungles. Flowers and birds. Being in summer pretty much all year.

I knew I was really not interested in having a career. I would not be Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. I wanted to be free and not build my life around my job. It might be weird for some because we are from different cultures, but where I am from we are not pressured to go to college or have a hustle culture as strong as in the US.

I wanted to see the world. I didn’t feel “at home” in my country. It’s a hard one because people expect you to feel at home where you are from.

And maybe that’s why I crave to get out of my comfort zone. I get bored when I am too comfortable. There is something amazing when you are comfortable, you feel safe, but for me at the same time my inner child wants to go play, to keep learning, keep understanding more about humanity, to see our mother earth from every angle.

Around the world by Clara Soler

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Their Voices Become Ours

Something people don’t talk enough about is that often when we aren’t happy we don’t always know what we want instead.

And maybe we would be fine not knowing because deep down we know that we will know, we will figure it out, we trust ourselves.

But when we finally gather the courage to tell a friend, to find the words to express our feelings, people ask questions: “What are you going to do?”, “Did you think about...?”, “How will they feel about it?”, “Are you going to leave your job?!”

And we slowly make those questions ours, we take full ownership as if we always had those questions for ourselves. Their voices become ours. And we forget how to connect with ourselves, and that we always knew we would be fine.

Lori Menna

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Spiral

It happens to me all the time… I find myself really connected, calm, confident. I know deep down that I got it. And then I get distracted by a notification on my phone. Or I ask someone for their opinion and they share instead their biased advice and fears. Then I start to feel anxious, nervous. I start to create scenarios in my head based on what I read or heard.

It takes me so much time and energy to get back to a state of self-trust. And it takes me two seconds to spiral.

But through all of that, the vision never really left.

At the window by Emiliano Ponzi

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What Stayed

I find that my vision changed in some ways and in others didn’t. Some parts I changed my mind about, and some others, like my attraction to tropical jungles, the ocean, life on an island, finding peace within, stayed.

I had totally forgotten that as a kid I wanted to live on an island. That memory came back probably 25 years later, when I moved to Hawai’i.

That’s why I believe in visualization.

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Visualize the things you want to do. Where you want to be, like an environment. If it’s a city, imagine everything you would like to have access to. The friendships. The type of life. How you would like to make some money.

So while you are trying to figure things out, doing the things you need to do first, visualize. No one can take that from you. And that’s how you get to where you want to be.

That vision, the one you hold in the between, it’s yours.

Clarity isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a practice. The vision is the between.

Are you clear about what you want and don’t want?
How do you want it to look like?
Who’s there with you? Are you alone?

Think about it.

With gratitude,
Nina

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